Feed me, Feed me!

When did our Skin get so Needy?

The bottles next to my sink keep multiplying. There used to be just a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, and some sunscreen. Now these have been joined by a jasmine eye cream, an intense night cream, a cellular defense serum, a peptide finisher (not sure what that is, TBH, but it finishes), and an overnight recovery mask.

These bottles beckon me with their luxuriating skin-calming botanicals, Omega 3 oils, and scientifically calibrated hydration, like fine wines for the face. I love how they feel massaged onto my face. At the same time, they’re exacting in their instructions, like a knuckle-rapping schoolmaster: my eye cream directs me to “apply approximately ½ of a pea size to ring finger and warm between both ring fingers, apply to orbital bone in circular motion.” (Approximately ½ a pea size?) I’m never sure in what order I should use these products, but I know there IS a precise order, as well as a right way I should be caring for my skin that I’m surely not doing. 

When did our skin get so demanding? It sometimes feels like the skin on our face is like a fussy infant that needs constant attention and pampering, and we (its…..mother?) must be uber-nurturing AND hyper-vigilant to all the dangers our skin is exposed to, from UV rays, oxidants, free-radicals, and impurities. We have to constantly nourish, tend, and calm our fragile, parched exterior, which is in continual need of rescuing and defending. In order to provide the sustenance and intense hydration our faces apparently need, products advertise themselves as “skin food” or like a tall glass of water for the skin. Good thing I have some (cleansing) milk to soothe my beleaguered baby skin!

Behind these luxuriating products is the implicit message that if I don’t care for my skin appropriately---read: with perfection, using multiple products each morning and night, and never, ever going out into the sunlight without sunscreen that is applied every two hours----I’m neglecting my skin and its needs. 

Case in point: Many years ago a friend of a friend had an open house for her fledging cosmetics business, and we all got free skin-care consultations. The aesthetician who assessed me reacted to my face with alarm because of what she deemed my excessively dry skin. She looked at me with a mixture of shock and disapproval, like my skin was a puppy I had left at home for too many hours alone. Well, for sure I bought the expensive cream that she offered me!  

It’s so hard to resist a product that is presented as an essential part of your self-care (though did anyone ever die of dry skin? Just asking…..) and that you’re being neglectful by not using it.  I remember reading that of the labels that women most negatively respond to, “bad mother” and “old” are at the top. Ah, so now the skin-as-baby is starting to make sense!  If only we took care of our skin better……we wouldn’t ever look older…..? This is starting to feel like a losing proposition.  

Part of the answer for me is to lean in to a treat-my-self version of self-care—sensory experiences that make me feel good—rather than a compulsory, rap-your-knuckles version. Instead of feeling like there are 10 things that I must do to care for my skin appropriately, I can view these jars as pleasurable—and optional—indulgences. 

And can we say this all together? My skin is not a puppy! Or a baby, or a fragile seedling. It’s just fine the way it is—-calmed/soothed/fed/nurtured, or not.